The author lives in Solvang.
I had an epiphany. I’ve seen the light. I’m changing my wicked ways. I finally “woke” up.
After a night of tossing and turning, I came to the realization that I’ve been wrong all along about my ability to think for myself.
In order to adapt to the new America, I have to see things in an entirely different light.
I now feel that our southern border should be wide open. That we need to do away with any kind of border control and remove what walls remain standing. The Border Patrol should set up shady little spots to put their feet up and be provided with hand counters to keep a rolling tally on how many new citizens are going to enjoy the fruits of America.
In fact, I think it’s time we just do away with passports and security checks at the airports as well. All of these things have racist overtones. We tout how free a nation we are, so we need to set that example for the rest of the world.
Come one, come all. America is ready to embrace you. And bring your guns and meth — we’ll add them to the ever growing pile.
I also changed my tune about checking people for IDs to confirm their identity for voting purposes. If someone wants to vote, let them. It’s their right and privilege. Simply by living in America is enough of a reason to let everyone and anyone have the right to vote for whom they please.
This freedom is critical in order to maintain our democracy. It will guarantee that your choice of public servant has an equitable chance to win his/her/them/they spot to work for the American people regardless of what country they’re from and how long they’ve lived here.
And there’s no reason why anyone should own guns! A new “gun enforcement” department should be established and begin to immediately start door-to-door searches of every home in America and confiscate every weapon they can find — and then some. No gun will be left unturned.
The Gun Enforcement Department will also enter the inner cities and launch a massive gun search among gang members to provide them the same favor and take all their weapons so they can no longer kill each other. This will be a praiseworthy task that will make the gang members extremely delighted.
The unsheltered have been a rapidly growing sect of the American landscape. It’s really important that we devote as much money and services to this group as we possibly can. All public parks, parking lots and available hotels should be permanently opened to house, feed and support all the unhoused. No homeless members of society should go hungry and have a tent that leaks. It’s important we show our humanity toward the unsheltered as much as we possibly can, including giving money away, providing drugs and cleaning the camps once a week because of the difficulties they face in cleaning up after themselves.
Remember, the world is watching. America cares.
I also feel strongly that vaccinations need to be mandatory. We cannot allow Americans to think they have a right to control what goes into their body. The government is much smarter than we give them credit for, and they know best. And organizations like the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention will continue to update their findings and keep us in the loop on how we should behave and lead our lives. This is imperative.
If you refuse to get vaccinated and not carry your fool-proof vaccine ID, it will be immediate imprisonment, where you will promptly be given the vaccination and then required to remain for two weeks in quarantine to make sure you learned your lesson. The fool-proof ID could also be used, if you so desire, for your voter ID, should you want to show someone something.
I’ve also come to accept socialism as a great idea. All the money earned, by those who have a job, goes into one huge pot — the government, who after their take, divide it evenly among 325 million people. This way we can make certain there is true equity.
Every “American” will have the same amount of money with which to live; vacation, buy a car, your food, and every once in a while, go out to dinner. But you have to budget carefully because that’s all you’re going to get. Home ownership will eventually fade once the government completes its eminent domain of all private property, and we’ll be able to live in government housing.
And there is no question the police have been one of the biggest problems that we have faced as Americans. They have arrested way too many people and have been targeting people of color for way too many years now. These practices have to stop. And once all the guns have been confiscated, there won’t be a need for a police force anymore because all crime will end. Knives and bombs will still be permitted, but they’re less dangerous and not nearly as bad as guns.
And think of the money we’ll save. In fact, all the empty police stations can become homeless shelters or be used to house the children coming across the border.
Finally, 2021 will be the year we reset the clock. All American history prior to this year is erased. We cannot discuss, educate or propagate the terrible past America was founded on.
This country has been horrible, and all symbols, statues, books, anything that can remind anyone of something that offends them will simply vanish. The New America will be cleansed and reawakened and will proudly start her new calendar: Post-COVID 1 or abbreviated, Year PC1. From this day forward, she will have a fresh face, clean hands and begin the new era without history, police, education, racism and full equity for all.
I can’t begin to tell you how much better I feel.