We often forget to show each other affection in our daily lives. It simply slips our minds how important showing affection is. We don’t see opportunities to embrace our love because we have our heads someplace else.
That’s why Valentine’s Day has become an important holiday for so many people.
I believe we should all do our best to find, act upon, and treasure the moments when we can exchange affection with the person we love. Valentine’s Day is a reminder that we should feel and share the loving energy that we have for each other. The truth is that these actions should not be limited to a single day but should continue all year long.
In America, we do not touch each other as often as we need to. Surprisingly few couples give each other a dozen hugs a day. Ask yourself how often you show your partner affection, and see if you don’t need to increase your daily dose. Couples who have a good balance of affection have fewer instances of anger and fewer arguments.
If you feel you’d like more affection in your relationship, you need to communicate and demonstrate to your mate what you would enjoy. If you feel that you are the one doing all the giving, fear not. With a little understanding, you can easily change this dynamic and build an affectionate relationship the other 364 days of the year.
Non-physical affection is also an important part of an intimate relationship. You can show that you care by offering your partner words of encouragement and endearment, by writing him or her little notes, and by demonstrating love every day. We all need to hear as well as feel that the one we love loves us back. Just expressing your feelings and thoughts of love to your partner can also defuse most of the difficult moments which you might be struggling through.
The truth is that verbal affection matters. We all need to hear that we are loved. Yes, it is true that actions speak louder than words. But if there are no words at all, then we can get a little lost when difficult situations arise. Affectionate words are like an emotional compass guiding us back home to our hearts.
Random acts of kindness are also a great way of building your affection bank account (and you never want to overdraw this one). Having a little extra in the back of your mind and heart can help you through some dark times and challenging circumstances.
The simple answer here is that if you want more affection in your relationship, then let your partner know it and show him or her the types of affection that work best for you. Your loved one may have other needs of which you were unaware, and you can discover new ways of being affectionate with each other.
Once you have committed to creating greater affection, both of you will find different and pleasant ways to connect and to shower each other with the kind of love that will make your friends green with envy all year long.Dr. Barton Goldsmith, is a psychotherapist in Westlake, is the author, most recently, of “100 Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence — Believe in Yourself and Others Will Too.” Email him at Barton@BartonGoldsmith.com. Follow his daily insights at www.twitter.com/BartonGoldsmith.His column appears Saturdays and Mondays in the News-Press.