I used to feel the suffering of others so much that I would spend a full day in bed each week, literally sleeping just to feel “normal.” I once spoke to a bear actor whose kidneys were in so much pain that the next day my back went out and I could not walk for three days. I have cried countless nights over clients’ animals dying of cancer, bunnies getting beauty products poured in their eyes, and people I know passing away.
On my days off, I would stay in the woods, avoiding people, so that I didn’t have to feel the pain that I saw in their eyes. To take away the terror I saw in the world, I’ve tried everything: meditating, juice fasting, salt baths, smudging sage, swimming, surfing, dirt bike riding, smoking pot, riding horses, calling in angels for protection, yoga, putting gold light around me, reading, Netflix binges, countless hours of podcast listening. What has helped me the most? The woods, swimming, meditating, juicing and spiritual protection are among the remedies and a part of my daily routine.
To be a great psychic, you have to know yourself. You have to know your thoughts, feelings and associations so you can decipher what’s streaming through your consciousness. You have to be committed to self-growth and climb that ladder of self-discovery. You must be able to say to yourself or others, “I got it wrong. I am sorry. I messed up.” Or, “It wasn’t my fault. What can I learn from this in order to help myself and others out of suffering?”
I have never had a problem with having compassion for others’ plights, but this too is a lesson. It’s important to have boundaries on how others’ actions affect you. Whether it’s a person who is not dealing with their own stuff or a dog who is acting aggressive on a walk, there should be boundaries. Once I realized that others’ pasts are not an excuse to stay in the pattern of bad behavior, some people drifted away while others started to show up in unexpected ways. People respected me and the animals stepped into more peaceful roles. I was content, but I still wasn’t living my fullest potential.
Because my heart was a sponge to suffering, I felt guilty for being happy when so many were hurting. I could rejoice in others’ happiness but felt guilty for my own. I realize now that we don’t have to suffer with the world just because we are committed to helping it. Of course, there are times when the sadness overtakes us, but it doesn’t have to rule us. Why didn’t I see this before? I intellectually knew it, but did I not feel worthy of feeling my own joy?
I saw all the beauty in secret: flowers blooming; the way the light shines off the ocean; animals that are miraculously healing; the intense love I receive from people about my work; the way my spirit feels when I make love, meditate, surf and swim; and how it feels to share an accomplishment or an awesome idea. Why did I hold that in secret, not letting it radiate from my heart?
I don’t have to stay in the frequency of the suffering that I deal with daily. It’s OK to experience more bliss than suffering. The pains of the world still matter if I go out into the world radiating joy.
Won’t we be more productive working through hearts continually fueled by love than hearts constantly suffering with others? Do many of us need to ask ourselves this?