At every level of life, we are dealing with our emotions.
It may be our career and goals. It may be our relationships. It may be our family’s health. It may be the state of the world. There are endless things we all feel something about, and those emotions can be a gift or a curse.
Please remember that if you are dealing with other people, you are also dealing with their emotions at the same time — so there’s a lot going on. There’s a reason why therapy sessions are an hour long. Everyone needs a break to digest deeper human issues.
When I am ending a therapy session, I like to consolidate the gains and look for where we went right. This is a great exercise to do as well with the people in your life, even people you are not that close to anymore. There was some joy in the past and looking at that can help you find greater peace of mind in the present.
Consider approaching someone you have known for many years, and ask them if they’d like to talk about the good times you’ve had. Doing this may be both awkward and (hopefully) heartwarming. The person could just look at you and say, “Blow it out your ear, buddy.” But I don’t think they will.
It may feel like an invitation to heal, a rebirth of some kind. Anyone who is working on self-awareness would most likely take you up on this kind of opportunity. Even if they aren’t psychologically oriented, a part of them probably wants to put the pain of the past in their rear-view mirror and look forward to the rest of their lives. This is an opportunity to do just that.
Of course, what the future will look like is still an open question. Some of us are still hiding from COVID. I know the first week we tried living normally, we both got hit with it, so we are back to our avoidance lifestyle. It’s a drag, but it beats the hell out of a week of night sweats and body aches — and we both had mild cases, thanks to vaccinations!
Getting COVID wasn’t fun, but it did give us the chance to talk more about our health in general and our good fortune in having chosen to get vaxxed. We also consolidated the gains of our physical conditions and made plans for annual physicals and checkups. It was a bit of a wake-up call, and now we are being more proactive rather than just protective.
Likewise, it’s important to take care of your emotional house. If you just try to avoid the difficult subjects, you will get by, perhaps for a long time, but eventually they will come up. And dealing with them doesn’t have to be painful or toxic. In fact, as I described above, it should be done in an atmosphere of kindness and caring.
Avoid blaming, shaming, and complaining. Instead celebrate your connection and look at the reason you came together in the first place. I’m not saying forget problems but focus instead on letting go of your pain and finding your joy.
Concentrating on a few close connections with others is fine. The two or three of you can just hang out and make one another feel good about being alive right now.
This is an exercise, but it won’t feel like it. When we present our open spirits to one another and talk about the good, we create an environment where a lot of growth and positive energy can come into our hearts and minds.
Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., is an award-winning psychotherapist and humanitarian. He is also a columnist, the author of eight books and a blogger for PsychologyToday.com with more than 28 million readers. He is available for video consults worldwide. Reach him at barton@bartongoldsmith.com. His column appears Sundays and Tuesdays in the News-Press.
