I know that keeping the romance alive in a relationship can be hard. It’s easy enough to accomplish, however, if you remember to do the following: be more loving, give more attention to sex, touch each other, offer affection, do nice things for your partner and share your feelings.
Let me break it down further:
— Being more loving is not only the best way to improve your relationship, but also one of the most important things you can do for yourself.
First be kind. Kindness comes from a place of love and respect, and it requires you to think about other people’s feelings before your own. Be generous. Giving acts — whether they are large or small — are an expression of love, so don’t be stingy with your time or money when it comes to giving back in some small way each day!
Finally, think about how others are feeling rather than just how you are feeling. Make it a practice to do this at least once an hour throughout the day. This will help prevent selfishness from creeping into your life and will ensure that others are always at the forefront of your mind!
— Giving more attention to sex is not just a box to check off on your to-do list. Sex is a key part of any relationship and should be treated as such. It’s an opportunity for you and your partner to connect on a deeper level.
If you’re having problems getting in the mood, you can make sex more exciting by communicating with your partner and trying new things together. If something bothers or frustrates you about your partner’s bedroom behavior, communicate! Being open about what does (and doesn’t) turn you on will help both of you feel more comfortable during sex.
Try new things together — the bedroom doesn’t need to stay the same forever! Again it’s important to communicate what you’d like to do differently. Your partner will appreciate it, and it will make sex more fun. No matter how long you have been together, you don’t know everything there is to know about each other’s bodies or minds!
So continue to explore and ask each other questions. This can happen before or during sex … whatever works best for both of you.
—Touching each other during the day is a great way to show affection and connect with your partner. Casual touch, stroking hair, touching fingers as you pass each other in the hall, or a backrub, can be a great source of comfort.
Touching is also a great way to relax, especially if your partner is comfortable touching you in return. Touch releases oxytocin in the brain, which makes you feel more connected and confident. Touching could help you sleep better at night too!
Studies have shown that couples who cuddle up together at night tend to go into deep REM (rapid eye movement) sleep quicker than those who don’t touch each other before bedtime. And of course, touching is great for romance.
— Offering affection is another way to make your relationship more romantic. At home, you can express your affection with kisses, hugs, or however you like. Out in public, try snuggling up to each other and looking lovingly into your partner’s eyes, which can foster intimacy.
— Doing nice things for your partner will help your relationship in so many ways. This means thinking about what they would like to do and making it happen. Go out to eat, watch a movie together, go on vacation, or take a hike. Do things together that each of you might normally do alone. Enjoy each other’s company.
— Sharing your feelings is one of the best ways to build intimacy. When was the last time you told your partner that you love them? When was the last time they told you? If it’s been a while, do it today and tomorrow and the next day. Let your partner know how much you appreciate them, and do it in your own words every day.
I invite you to try any or all of these suggestions. Any one of them can make your relationship a more romantic, fun and loving place to be.
Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., is an award-winning psychotherapist and humanitarian. He is also a columnist, the author of eight books and a blogger for PsychologyToday.com with more than 28 million readers. He is available for video consults worldwide. Reach him at barton@bartongoldsmith.com. His column appears Saturdays and Mondays in the News-Press.
