RUMORS & BUZZ
By Momus
Editor’s note: “Rumors & Buzz,” which runs each Saturday in the News-Press, is written by a journalist who has chosen a nom de plume: “Momus.” In Greek mythology, Momus is the god of satire and mockery.
What should matter more to Montecito’s Prince Harry — publishing his memoir, which might permanently sever his relationship with his royal family? Or returning his $20 million advance to Penguin Random House and pulling the plug on it (if that is even possible)?
Momus’ advice to dear Harry: Having been fortunate enough to be born with a golden spoon, money does not matter. Momus, therefore, believes this is not about moulah but ill-advised revenge. (As Confucius said, “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.”)
Harry, return the cash, bury the book — and the hatchet along with it. Make amends with your family, who (however coldly) nurtured you. Move on with your life. Rebuild and strengthen your relationships.
At left, Prince Harry. At right, Meghan Markle.
Do not be led by Meghan, who seems to thrive on friction and family conflict and by whom you seem easily influenced, as was the Duke of Windsor by his wife, Wallis Simpson. There is nothing to be gained from burning bridges with blood relatives, especially when such relatives happen to be the much adored and most important royal family in the world.
Sure, traumatic things have happened (they happen in most families, to everyone). And you are upset. Now is the time to get over it.
Short-term tactics, as gratifying as they may feel at the time, are always overshadowed by long-term consequences. And try as you may, with wife Meghan’s counsel, you and she will fail, not prevail, in the court of public opinion.
If you need advice on how to outfox the tiddy doll functionaries of Buckingham Palace, Momus is at your service, standing by to oblige.
TY’S TEARS
Beanie Baby billionaire Ty Warner, who has a home in Montecito, has created a new beanie baby in honor of the late queen called “Elizabeth II.” But don’t get too excited because it is a limited edition available only in Britain.
The toy’s tag, presumably composed by Ty himself, reads: “As a young Queen, you gave us your word; Above and beyond, your life you served. A faultless reign as our Head of State; thank you for everything, Queen Elizabeth the Great.”
In addition, Ty has donated 100,000 U.K. pounds (about $110,000) to the queen’s favorite charity, Cruse Bereavement Support, which provides free care for the grief-stricken.
Well done, Ty!
NEW CELEBRITY HAUNT?
Funny guy Steve Martin spent the summer with his family in Montecito and dined regularly (lunch and dinner) at Ca’ Dario on Coast Village Road in advance of displaying his collection of Australian indigenous art at the National Arts Club in New York City.
Says banjo-strumming Martin, “It’s an unbelievable mélange of pictures — I had never seen anything like it before.”
Although said to be retiring from Hollywood, Steve is still doing a TV show, has a book coming out and is touring with fellow comedian Martin Short. “That,” he says, “is my kind of retirement.”
Christopher Lloyd, another Ca’ Dario CVR regular and Montecito fixture, stars in “Spirit Halloween: The Movie,” about three adolescents who attempt to spend the night in a pop-up Halloween shop, are locked inside and get seriously spooked by the store’s animatronic characters, which, possessed by an evil spirit, come alive and try to steal their souls.
Sounds fun though one reviewer (CBR.com) calls it “A sloppy ad for a store that has enough recognition … a blur that doesn’t provide much of a reason for why it exists.”
Its salvation, of course, is our own Christopher Lloyd, who never fails to entertain.
This flick was released this week on video-on-demand platforms.
LIFE LESSON
Local legend Jeff Bridges, star of “The Old Man” television series, on his illnesses and positivity (as told to The Guardian in Britain): “What I learned from that whole experience in hospital was: Life is constantly giving us gifts. They may be gifts that we think we don’t want. Who wants cancer? Who wants COVID, man? Well, it turns out I did. Because dealing with your mortality, it makes things more precious.”
TITTERS
A new study published by the Canadian Centre on Substance Use & Addiction claims that just three alcoholic beverages a week is bad for your health.
This has a huge impact on Momus: We’ve given up paying attention to studies.
It also evokes a Momus pet peeve: Bars that don’t store vermouth in a refrigerator after opening a bottle but let it hang out in the well. Don’t all barkeeps know that vermouth is a wine product and, as such, has a shelf life of only six days if not kept in the fridge? Since only a tiny amount of vermouth is used in cocktails, opened bottles stick around for a while, resulting in stale, sour juice.
WELCOME TO CHICAGO!
Twitter from Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot: “For those out-of-towners joining us this weekend, welcome and make sure to check out everything our city has to offer.”
You mean like murders (up 32% since 2019), drive-by shootings of innocent children, rape, car theft, muggings, robberies and shoplifting raids? Or maybe watch employees of Boeing, McDonalds, Caterpillar, Citadel and Tyson’s Chicken pack up their cars?
Is it just Momus or does Lori look like a cross between a voodoo doll and Beetlejuice’s sister? And since Momus (no shame, we) is an equal-opportunity mocker, we must also question if Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell is somehow related to Kermit the Frog.
‘WENDY, WENDY, WHAT WENT WRONG, OH SO WRONG?’
That’s one of our favorite songs from one of our favorite bands (with attachments to SB), still touring 60 years on.
And an atrocious story to go with it: A franchisee owner of a Wendy’s in North Carolina fired (without notice) a longtime employee with Down syndrome because “he couldn’t do his job like a normal person.” Huh? He’d been working there 20 years, probably working for minimum wage.
Momus has never ventured into a Wendy’s — and with this news never will.
HOLLYWOOD 2.0
Rick Caruso, candidate for mayor of Los Angeles and owner of the Rosewood Miramar in Montecito: “The future of L.A. is tied to the future of the entertainment industry.”
Mark Wahlberg: “I’m moving to Las Vegas, Nevada, to create “Hollywood 2.0.”
If you have a tip for Momus, send to momus@newspress.com.
