The Los Angeles Rams won the Super Bowl last Sunday 23-20! I wonder who will win it in 2026?
It may seem stupid to talk about the Super Bowl in 2026, but why does the news media start talking about the next presidential election one day after the current one is over? They do it every four years. Does it make sense to start speculating right now which team will win the Super Bowl in four years?
Moving beyond that, this is my third article on how to avoid — or transform — political arguments. The reason I put so much time into thinking about arguments, and especially political arguments, is that instead of bringing us together, they pull us apart. The various media foster this.
I share eight rules that can turn political arguments into productive conversations. Unfortunately, doing exactly the opposite of them will empower those readers who just want to “win”!
These are the rules for how to stop trying to dominate in an argument. (Of course, if you want to dominate, just do the opposite!):
1. Don’t get in the other’s “physical space.” Don’t move toward them or get in their face. This is an aggressive, pre-attack move in the animal kingdom.
In presidential debates, this would include not walking in back of or around your opponent’s space (as we witnessed in the 2020 debate on TV). Moving toward someone is the beginning of physical threat.
2. Don’t yell or shout while you are speaking. Don’t talk over or interrupt the other while they are speaking. It is another capacity we have from our animal days — screeching or roaring. This is vocal domination, which precedes a fight for physical domination. It’s a way of saying you’d better take flight or you’re going to have to fight!
3. Don’t try to dominate time by talking too much, and not giving the other an equal amount of time. I am surprised that political debate moderators don’t use two simple procedures in debates that go along with having established time limits. The first is to have an automatic bell that rings when the speaker has 30 seconds left for a given question. The second is to have an automatic mechanical turn-off of their mike after that time.
4. Stay on the topic or question. Don’t change the subject, for example, by saying, “Yes, but what about this?” It may seem legitimate to bring into the discussion, but what it does is to successfully avoid the question the other has brought up.
5. Don’t “pile on”: “What about this, that, this, that?” Stick to one thing at a time.
6. Answer the question that was asked, not one that you have an answer for. Likewise, don’t use it as an opportunity to talk about something else and disregard the question or topic
7. Back up generalizations. For example, “He has a great record,” or “He has done nothing to help the economy.” Give specific examples, figures, details.
8. For generalizations you can’t back up, give your sources. For generalizations by the other person ask, “How do you know this?” “Who did you get this information from?” “Who are you relying on for your information?”
In public debates, these questions serve audiences who want to know who has knowledge of facts, who can list personal achievement, and who has specific plans. Unfortunately, many audiences are looking for what the media give them: conflict, drama, putdowns, entertainment.
By the way, it is my responsibility to ask these questions of myself before I get into a debate. Maybe, initially, start the conversation by asking the blunt question: Do we want to have a discussion or an argument?
You might call these eight rules “the rules of engagement.” When we follow them, it is like “getting engaged” — a love affair!
If not, it’s “engaging in battle.”
