It’s June, school is out, and the wedding season has begun. Thus far, we have been invited to a half-dozen nuptials, and there will be more.
Weddings conjure up lots of feelings. Feelings about your own wedding (the one you had or the one you’d like to have), feelings about other people’s weddings (and how good or bad they were), and feelings about your relationship and how it got from there to here.
You can’t help it. The second you get the invitation, you will reflect on your own state of satisfaction and your desires — and if there is any romantic pain in your heart, it will be reawakened as well.
Such reflection is actually a good thing, even if your relational life is a little shaky. It’s important to examine our love life every now and then. And that may be all there is to it.
A quick inventory of what you wanted, what you have, and what you need is enough to make you feel lucky or make you realize that you may need to make some minor adjustments.
Once you arrive at the event, which in itself can be a journey, you can’t help but feel like having fun. It just happens, because everyone else feels like it too.
When we are celebrating a couple’s union, it gets us out of our own heads, and we actually feel their love. It’s projected into the room so powerfully that, unless you are really in a bad mood, you can’t avoid picking up some of the vibe.
The bride may be beautiful, the groom could be a prince, and the wedding could be held in the grandest of places — all of which are noticed — but it is your own feelings that become your internal focal point.
You may say to yourself, “I want this too!,” or you may mentally duck and cover. Either way, a couple’s special day is going to have a visceral effect on you.
I was once told never to take a date to a wedding because “it gives them ideas.” I guess it never occurred to the would-be advice giver that someday he might actually like the idea of getting married too.
Making the decision to spend the rest of your life with someone isn’t to be taken lightly. Unfortunately, too many people think, “Well, if it doesn’t work, we can always get a divorce.” If this is in your head, you may not be ready.
When you walk down the aisle with the one you love and you make a commitment in front of your friends, your family and a higher power, you will feel the connection. This is what gives us the strength to get through the rough patches and build that wonderful thing called a family (even if it’s just the two of you).
Knowing that the person you’ve married has your back, lifts you up when you’re down, and actually thinks you’re amusing, is a most precious gift — one you would never want to take back.
Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., is an award-winning therapist and humanitarian. He is also a columnist, the author of seven books, and a blogger for PsychologyToday.com with nearly 27 million readers. He practices in Santa Barbara and Los Angeles and is available for video sessions. Reach him at barton@bartongoldsmith.com. His column appears Sundays and Tuesdays in the News-Press.
