Have you ever felt so lonely that you thought your heart was breaking and you couldn’t make it through the night?
Have you looked at your life and wondered where you went wrong and why you deserve to be and feel so alone?
Mother Teresa once said, “The greatest disease in the West today is not TB or leprosy; it is being unwanted, unloved and uncared for …”
Sometimes unfortunate circumstances, or our own decisions, put us in positions where we have no one to turn to. Even if your lifestyle is a comfortable one, the pain of feeling unloved can be so overwhelming that you can start to think about not wanting to be here. That’s a signal that you really, really need to talk to someone.
Emotional pain seems to become more intense for some people at this time of year as the days get shorter and colder. If you are having suicidal thoughts, your mental state could be more fragile than you know. Pay attention, and if you are feeling sad and alone, the answer is to reach out to others.
Connecting with people who care about you and whom you trust and like is very important. Isolating yourself is only going to make you feel worse.
I know people who have gotten roommates, just to have another human being in the house, and it helped. Others who feel alone get involved in community events or even go back to school. The idea is to spend time with other people, so you can feel their warmth and let it help you out of your pain. Just a warm smile from a good friend can make the difference between wanting to hide under the covers and getting out into the world to see what it has to offer. Many folks find it far easier to go out with someone else than on their own.
Texts and emails are helpful, but they can never take the place of a conversation with someone in the same room or even outdoors (this being COVID days).
There are people who text each other all day long. They say it makes them feel connected, but to what? Don’t get me wrong — I love getting messages from my sweetheart. But it will never take the place of hearing her reassuring voice and feeling her gentle touch. Real human contact can make the difference between living a healthy life and one that is sickly.
So talk with those people who care most about you, and consider making an appointment with a licensed professional. This may be just a momentary depressive episode or something more serious, and you don’t want to take any chances.
By taking care of yourself, you are also taking care of the people who love you. They feel your pain and want you to live a full life with all the love and joy you can find.
Remember, it is the people in our lives who make it wonderful. No amount of money or success will ever match the warmth of human kindness.
Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., is an award-winning psychotherapist and humanitarian. He is also a columnist, the author of eight books and a blogger for PsychologyToday.com with more than 28 million readers. He is available for video consults worldwide. Reach him at barton@bartongoldsmith.com. His column appears Sundays and Tuesdays in the News-Press.
